Terms of use
Howdy! You actually clicked through. Usually this page is like a ghost town.
So we thought we’d translate the legalese the lawyers wrote into slightly more readable English.
Here's the deal, delivered in a straight-shooting way:
We run this site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it for personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and other forms of cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, personal use. If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for public or commercial purposes unless we give you written permission. And chances are we won’t. So please don’t.
If you visit our site, you're also stuck with (in other words…legally obligated to) the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Dupage County, IL.
If you have any problems with that, then you shouldn't access or browse the site, because once you start, there's no turning back -- you are bound by these terms and conditions. But we hope you’re fine with them and want to stay and look around.
Let’s keep this real simple. Here are the Top Ten Rules for folks who hang out on our site:
1. For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without our written permission. And like we said before, it's not likely we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So its better you don't even ask.
2. While we try to include accurate stuff on the site, we're not promising you that it is. In fact, we're not promising you anything except some basic information and mild entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at your own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because we assume no liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3. We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes "direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT. Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties.
Dang! What a mouthful. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom line -- we're not responsible if you're browsing around and the site damages you or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't blame us.
4. If you don't want the world to know something, don't post in on the site in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That's because anything you disclose to us is ours. Yep -- ours. So we can do anything we want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. If you’re rude, we can even send it to your mother (she’ll be so disappointed in you!). Not only that, we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we want to, including, developing, manufacturing and marketing products or other stuff using the information you post. It’s true.
5. Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property or someone else's property we're using with their permission. No matter what, it's definitely not your property. You or any of your fellow cowboys can't use it unless we said you can on this page or somewhere else on the site. And guess what -- we won’t say yes. So be careful, because unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6. There are also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site, including one's like HIRED GUN ADVISORS and BRINGING LAW AND ORDER TO BUSINESS that either we own or we're using with someone else's permission. So don't think you have any kind of license or right to use them, because you don't and we're not about to give you one. If you don't leave them alone and mess with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we'll probably start a shootout and so will the companies that own the other trademarks, logos and service marks. That means that we're likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after you for messing around with our property or the property of others.
7. You'll probably notice we've linked our site to other sites or that other sites link to us. While we’re flattered by the attention, it doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites, much less checked them out periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame us if some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or the horse you rode in on. Go ahead and link, but remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8. That brings us to what you do on our own site. If we decide to set up chat groups to allow postings bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume no liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes, defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you might encounter when you visit such places on our site. We’ll try to monitor this occasionally, but please don't be stupid by posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or any material that law enforcement types my consider a criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While we certainly respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or court which might ask us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9. Software that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't download or send the software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury Department's list of Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's Table of Deny Orders, or the U.S. Marshall’s list of Most Wanted Cattle Rustlers (just kidding on the last one). As if that weren’t tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely places, you're not even supposed to be reading this page, so please mosey on out of here.
10. We're also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we have the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page, then you're bound by those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
If this all sounds a bit un-neighborly, you should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. Really.
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